Full chart here.
In true 1970's/early 80's being on holiday and not having a telly therefore missing TOTP on Thursday night style I was again on holiday last week without a telly (in the year 2015 tut!), and so duly missed Thursday's show. So I've called in guest reviewer Gaztronix to give this week's Pops the once over.
Over to you Gaz!....
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Presented by Steve Wright with a youthful looking Sir Clifford of Richard* by his side all Smashy n Nicey
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| pic: popscene |
We kick off with the Nick Straker Band and massive European holiday song A Walk In The Park. The guy in charge of TOTP FX is having a bit of a freeze-frame meltdown. Mr Straker has the most amazing hair - I'm sure it's inspired a Mighty Boosh skit or two.
Back to Steve n Cliff with some repartee on Sheena Easton. Easton, performing Modern Girl, has thankfully dropped the look that made her look like Gary Numan's younger sister and had opted for a style best described as 'Disco Sue Lawley'. Fair do's. There is a synth solo in this song - it's amazingly bad even for 1980 - I had to play it again. It was THAT bad.
Just Steve now - maybe Clifford has gone to check with his portrait in the attic. We get given what we get which is a video of The Jam performing 'Watch You Give Is What You Get.' Proper 80s vid it is too - intense staring at bright lights through Venetian blinds (what was it about the early 80s Venetian blinds phase?) (ed. the song title is actually 'Start!')
Smashy has gone, so we get Nicey Sir Cliff who looks a lot like Mike Read. Not Runaraaaaaaaahnd Mike Read but Frankie-smashing, slightly racist song writing for UKIP Mike Read. And exclusively for TOTP - Cliff has gone all mockney - well, he's drifting towards mockney, innit. That Cliff eh? Any more of this mockney malarkey and he might go the full Danny Baker. I'll keep you updated. And who's Triff introducing? Why it's only Cliff...sorry Shakin' Stevens. I genuinely can't tell you what the song is called, but he keeps shrieking 'Marie' so I'm guessing it's that. Cliff...Shakey is in Teddy Boy Hot Pink and is performing all on his lonesome tonight - a few fifties moves, hair the glistens and love for the mic stand. (ed. the song title is actually 'Marie Marie')
Back to Wright now and whassat Steve? Legs and Co? Ok. Dancing to what!? The Clash!? Yep - it's Legs and Co - dancing to Bankrobber by The Clash. All stripes, leotards and cages. If the English National Ballet did this, it be classed as 'challenging'. But as it's Legs and Co - no one bats an eyelid.
Smashy n Nicey are back together again. A little bit of Mockney from Smashy and only a smattering this time from Nicey. Oh and Elvis impersonations as the next tune is a bit of Rock n Roll from Shak...no hang on - it's Billy Joel and It's Still Rock n Roll To Me. It's a pop video, so I'm ignoring it to let you know that the best version of It's Still Rock n Roll To Me was performed by Laptop sometime in the late 90s. Seriously - dig it out. Joel gets chopped as soon as the sax solo starts to kick in - wise move Mr. BBC editor bloke - cheers!
Right back with Wright now and the countdown 30-11. Up next it's Hazel O'Connor. Ah at last - it's the eighties with Eighth Day. All that Rock N Roll had me worried for a minute. There is better work by O'Connor - honest, there is - but this isn't it. Cartoon new wave synth sounds are just the half of it - I haven't even got started on the lyrics yet. If Queen had been this melodramatic it would've raised eyebrows. Hey ho - the audience lap it up. And fair do's as it does bounce along a fair rate, O'Connor is an engaging performer and they have just been subjected to large amounts of throwbacks to the fifties.
Sir Cliff now - almost back to normal - only 10% on the mockneyometer.
It's The Piranhas and Tom Hark - one of those jaunty faux Caribbean things that you wished you'd never heard but later gets adopted by the terraces. Odd really, as its lyrics are actually an anti-nuclear war song! Yep - it's political! Not that you'd know from the bands appearance and demeanour. Peel used to love them apparently but dropped them like a stone when this came out.
Steve and Cliff again - no mockney this time and Doo-doo! Doo-doo! It's Kelly Marie and Feels Like I'm In Love. Doo-doo! Doo-doo! Kelly is dressed in a black jumpsuit with gold trim for Blakes 7 or an office party - back then it was impossible to tell. But the dancers either side suggest she may even eschew all of the above for dinner with Liberace.
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| pic: Gaztronix |
Up next it's Steve n Cliff introducing - Cliff! Wow, how'd he do that? He's so smooth. That's not The Shadows though...I think...no idea to be honest, but if Hank Marvin isn't there then I'm guessing it's not. This is modern Cliff. It's a bizarre performance - the BBC FX Dept are having fun with this one. The band fade in and out around Cliff and shedloads of dry ice. I think the song is called Dreamin', so Cliff is dreaming of the band! Wow! D'you see wot they did there? Crazy Cliff, crazy band, crazy times! Paul Young would steal this entire sound a few years later. Cliff has a very loose arrangement with his tie and nonchalantly plays with his jacket which he casually slings around his shoulder as he sashays and dreams and pouts his way along. Rocking a look best described as 'Apollo from Battlestar Galactica on his day off heading to a picnic with friends in a park'
Countdown from 10-2. Cliff has woken up, his band have vanished and all he's got is his mate Steve. The number one and it's the godlike genius David Bowie with an absolute classic Ashes To Ashes. It's the video - Dave probably has better things to do, or maybe Cliff asked him to the picnic and Dave doesn't want to go - could be awkward. It's the whole video n all. Wright says 'some people say it's his best yet...' - he could be right. (ed. - first week at no. 1 for this Bowie single which knocked Abba off the top spot)
Back to our cheeky chappies now - cheers Cliff, who's off on tour. And that's it Folks. No idea what the end title song is - some very weak disco about All Over The World. (ed. Electric Light Orchestra!)
*in memory of the late, great Tom Hibbert
Thanks for that Gaz. We'll be back to 'normal' next week folks with more Pops fun before The Posh Proms (c) kick in. Laters!
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